The prospect is basically terrifying.

"I don't know enough steps".
"I'll just have N more lessons".
"Everybody will be watching me".
"What if some woman says 'No'?!"
"Everybody else dances like an expert and I look/feel like a klutz".
"I can't dance/talk/steer/choreograph all at the same time."
"I don't know what I'm doing, and I'm supposed to be in charge of this vehicle"

Yep - says rde, everybody goes through the same arguments.

Reality is actually somewhat different - but you only find that out once the dreaded first social milonga is over and done.

• You do know enough steps. If you have two steps - it's enough to do a whole night milonga. (Hell - you can do them in any order for unlimited variation.)
• That first milonga is terrifying because it's a first milonga - whenever it happens. Doing N more lessons doesn't make it any less so. Best to bite the bullet and get it out of the way. The N lessons become more productive because you can relate them to the end use - and your confidence is much increased also.
• Nobody will actually be watching you - however much it feels otherwise.
• The women are not going to say no. You have been spotted as that rare animal "A new male" as soon as you walk in. They will bend over backwards to be helpful - because you are a rare and precious commodity. You have never been more welcome and valued! Also - asking someone for a dance isn't the dreaded walk across the floor in front of a watching multitude - it need only be a raised eyebrow or slight tip of the head.
• We all feel like klutzes. Or we feel we seem always to do the same steps. Or that someone else dances better - or ... Stick to the steps you are happy with. You have a very forgiving partner who will do what she can to help - but she is also feeling like a klutz - and worried that she may miss a lead, etc. We are all intermediates. :)
• No need to talk (you can't tango and talk at the same time - one or the other is possible.) Your steering initially will be dreadful - and some stay that way. Couples will go round you - they know that you're fully occupied with other more pressing matters - like panicking. Initially you only have a few steps in your vocabulary - so there is not much choreographing to do - so just stick with the steps you are comfortable with. Dazzling displays of choreographic brilliance can wait. Remember also that the women dance with all the males - so they get variation in that way. The male is stuck with his own vocabulary of moves - and feels like it is the most boring repetitive choreography - but the partner has just had someone else's 'boring' set - and will have another different 'boring' set next - so she has plenty of variation. Only the males feel locked in a rut. (And you acquire steps along the way - so the vocabulary slowly increases.)
• Dancing with a hotshot tanguerra is terrifying - no question. You know that you don't know what you are doing. You know that she knows that you know. And yet you're supposed to take charge of the whole edifice and confidently/arrogantly steer her around the floor?! She's just as forgiving as anyone else - and just as pleased to get a dance - and just as keen to foster a new tanguero. But - it is hard to kid anyone - most of all yourself - that you're not daunted. Get used to it. (And be aware that some quaking tanguerra who has only done 3 lessons, will look at you with doe-like eyes and express wonder at your expertise born of so much experience. It's all relative. :)

Summary

• Get that first milonga over with.
• It's not nearly as terrifying as the expectation.
• You are dealing with a grateful and forgiving set of partners.
• You are never going to be more welcome in your life than being a new male tango dancer.
• Go anti-clockwise.

copyright rde, 2007.
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